In which we learn about jaundice, force feeding, and kitty enemas.
Usually, at election time, you expect elected officials to stump for particular candidates and issues; often they like to address the problem of misspent state funds, in these campaigns. But that's when you have a governor, not a puppet who's being groomed for a presidential nomination. The Governator is actually in Columbus, OH, participating in a bodybuilding contest, and he's taken a phalanx of CHP with him. It's not like we need them here, or anything. And it's not like there are measures on the ballots to raise all Bay Area bridge tolls and new state bonds. Go ahead and have the California taxpayers cover what amounts to a campaign for Republicans in Ohio.
Free books and cheap tacos are, really, all one needs.
OK, throw in some sarsaparilla, and some fine tequila, and that is a pretty good life.
"She was a bit disoriented,'' Sampson said. "She's an elderly lady and was still concerned about where she was and about mailing the mail.'' Sampson did not know yet whether charges would be filed against the driver.
Screw this "We need a new law to restrict the right to marry," crap; someone needs to revise the penal code to include Senile Driver Manslaughter.
ACLU Instant Fax: H.J. Res. 56/S.J. Res. 26
Hooray for handy tools for the vocal constituency! With a zip code and a click, send a warm, fuzzy fax to senators and representatives.
Or customize it to show how you really feel.
Did you miss me? We took the server down, last night, after getting slapped by the Hand of God for the 20th time. I thought the windows were going to shatter, from all the booming thunder, or maybe a funnel cloud would come and scoop us up. Thankfully we made it through Angel before the lights started flickering. It's still feckin' raining, this morning.
Young Germans Embrace Ants. And here I thought the world would fall to religious fanatics.
"They are easy to look after, eat household scraps and can live up to 30 years," said Sebesta, whose most expensive ants cost $1,764 per colony of up to 20 ants.
Bush needs to get his message straight (ahem): we are either seeing a threat to civilization or progress beyond "more than two centuries of American jurisprudence and millennia of human experience.'' You'd think a Yale graduate would know the difference. OK, maybe you'd only think that if you were really naive, but still: I feel bad for all these poor chimps to whom he's been compared. They're really not that primitive.
The "who does she think she's going to hook wearing that get-up" mystery has been solved.
"All of a sudden, we see riots, we see protests, we see people clashing. The next thing we know, there is injured or there is dead people."
Those are interesting, if grammatically confused, suggestions.
The people, however, are way too busy throwing gala potlucks to riot.
In other words, "bite my legislative ass."
"The governor can direct the Highway Patrol. He can direct the next 'Terminator 4' movie if he chooses. But he can't direct the attorney general in the way he's attempted to do," Lockyer said, adding that Schwarzenegger's written directive "was a statement designed for consumption at the Republican convention."
It's time to honeymoon in Cambodia:
King Norodom Sihanouk, in a handwritten note on his website, said that
as a "liberal democracy", Cambodia should allow "marriage between man and man... or between woman and woman." He said he had respect for homosexual and lesbians and said they were as they were because God loved a "wide range of tastes."
"(Heppner) was despondent over not performing well at the speed walking qualifications," San Diego Police Sgt. Kevin Minkel said, reading from an officer's report. "Sometime around 7 p.m. (Heppner) drove his vehicle over the Pine Valley Bridge and apparently jumped."
Or, rather, speed-hopped.
Come on, you know you were thinking it.
Senior Kat Marotta said it disturbed her. "I feel a lot of the responsibility is on the professor in how he handles his classroom," she said. "I'm very disappointed. People were very upset about it. It's probably the juiciest thing that's ever come out of this campus."
Kat needs a field trip to Cal, where being barred from showing up naked is news.
'I blagged my way through.'
And also swotted, but the author so swotted was chuffed.
Everyone was chuffed, until the guy decided to leg it. Which: lame.
Mr Valdez said Mr Richardson was fortunate with the timing of his visit.
The Chinese edition of the book will go on sale shortly.
Three cheers for Holly Mullen, for using the language of revolution in the Salt Lake Tribune:
Just try sending them back to the closet. We have a blazing civil rights movement here, friends, the first of this budding century. It will not be stopped.
Among the arguments (the attorney for the Proposition 22 Legal Defense and Education Fund) raised was that the marriages were consuming taxpayer money.
I think he'll have a hard time proving that, what with marriage licenses running $83 a pop, and with 2,425 issued so far. Especially as the clerk's staff, the sheriff's department and volunteers from other offices worked through the three-day holiday weekend without pay, Ms. Teng said. I've never read the "Thou Shalt Not Consume Taxpayer Money" part of the constitution, myself, but I bet it applies just as easily to purely political lawsuits as to "the couples who own homes, pay taxes. We are part of the backbone of society — the quiet majority."
Clyde has a winning smile, fabulous facial hair, and a really big squid.
According to my trolls, Michael Jackson paid 500.000 US dollar for his penis.
I saw this guy on Haight Street, today.
He's got this white van with "murdertruth.com" (that's all you can see, when the door is open. either he's buying that domain, or he just wasn't thinking "I tend to make a spectacle of myself with this door hanging open a lot, maybe I should make sure my URL isn't truncated.") painted on the side, and images of newsprint reading "Stephen King Shot John Lennon" on the doors.
The passenger side door slid open, and the climbed out onto the curb and started spritzing the running board with aerosol cleaning fluid. It looked, for a moment, as if the van was some sort of conceptual art device, but then I got a peek inside. The rear compartment was so full of random crap - hairspray bottles, paper towel rolls (toilet paper, in the cabin compartment), hanging jackets, some wrapped in paper, some in plastic, some just naked. And this guy, spraying everything in sight, now, with aerosol cleaning fluid.
It wasn't bad art, at all; it was just bad.
Here's your love/lust redux.
A wet bride is a happy bride. That sounds like as good an explanation for the holiday as any.
Or there's this: To abolish the heathens lewd superstitious custom of boys drawing the names of girls, in honor of their goddess Februata Juno, on the fifteenth of this month, several zealous pastors substituted the names of saints in billets given on this day. You can visit his severed head, and most of the other vast collection of his relics, at Santa Prassede, in Rome, or at Whitefriar Street Church, in Dublin (but caveat relic-gazer: that may be a False Valentine). And doesn't that sound like a wonderfully lewd way to spend a day?
We're thinking we might spend today at SF City Hall, tossing rose petals and cheering.
Groups fail to block same-sex marriage licenses should focus on their own frickin' marriages.
The restraining order has been postponed until Tuesday. Here's hoping the County Clerk's office stays open, all weekend! Look at the photo that accompanies that article. It makes me all weepy. Again.
Ask White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan About Bush's National Guard Record!
And marvel at his tiny little hands!
"When we're considering an innocent life (sic), the health of the mother is not a substantial enough justification to take the innocent life," said Republican Rep. Matt McCaulley, chief sponsor of the bill.
Heaven (via Rep. Matt McCaulley) knows she was just a harlot.
But wait! It gets better:
The Justice Department is demanding that at least six hospitals in New York City, Philadelphia and elsewhere turn over hundreds of patient medical records on certain abortions performed there. Lawyers for the department say they need the records to defend a new law that prohibits what opponents call partial-birth abortions.
Of course the Justice Department wants the medical records of women who have had abortions; how else can they defend women's rights? BTW, don't forget: the Patriot Act protects civil liberties.
Egad.
I always thought that "submerged" implied sinking into other things, not with them. But maybe the letters went down, along with the paper and the cat, into the (unmentioned) suds. Either way, that's pretty rich: the Tages Anzeigers printed an 8-line obit they *thought* was for a 2yr old child who drowned in a washing machine, but didn't think to send a reporter out to the house to get the bigger human interest story?
Chippy has a bullet lodged in the back of his skull.
WTF is wrong with people? Was Chippy wearing the wrong colors, on the wrong turf? Did Chippy throw signs? Or maybe someone thinks Chippy narced to the Feds. Sad someone would be a total idiot: Chippy is no friend to the cops.
"It falls along the lines of a personal level of sharing that may not be appropriate for one of our employees to do while on the job."
Even with five prepositional phrases, that poor sentence says almost nothing.
(Nothing, that is, except "Boycott American Airlines.")
"Whenever they had a runaway car on 'CHiPs' this is exactly what Ponch and John would do, and we have Jerry and Troy...
one is brunet and one is blond and it turned out just perfect."
That's hott. Now all they need are pet rocks and roller disco lessons.
Oh, please. We talked about it in the Cultural Anthropology doctoral program at UC Davis, back in '95. We were voyeurs to it, we documented it, we practically painted lavender Bonobos on our leather jackets.
And little chaps-clad penguins.
I only guessed correctly on 8/20 of the (Spot the Fake) smiles, but most people already know how gullible I am.
Nice job, sticking the vampire in as #13.
"That's not the America I love. Nor... the NFL I love. I'll sing the national anthem anytime, anywhere, but not for this NFL."
Good heavens. I think I might almost care about football, and/or JC Chasez, now.
Terri Carlin, a 47-year-old Knoxville bank employee, contends that Jackson's exposure and other "sexually explicit conduct" during halftime festivities caused viewers to "suffer outrage, anger, embarrassment and serious injury."
She was so injured that they couldn't switch the t.v. off. Ouchie!
I hope she's extra careful when she plays her Britney Spears cds.
"Hey, I see you're buying a new lawnmower. Mind if I borrow it, this weekend?"
"Feck you, buddy, you still have my shovel."
"Are you still mad about that, old man?"
"Who are you calling old? Don't think I don't know it was you that hijacked the Dentucreme from my medicine cabinet."
"Who told you that?"
"You told the whole congregation, last Wednesday at bingo."
"Yeah, well you're the one who swapped the toothpaste for my Anusol."
"You let that mangey mutt of yours crap on my lawn, and you want to borrow my brand new mower."
"And I suppose that's why you knocked down my favorite bird feeder."
"I knocked it down? I bet the birds pushed that piece of crap over their own selves."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah! Now get out of my way; I need to grab some paint stirrers."
"I'll come by Saturday for the mower. I'll bring you a beer, and I promise I won't piss in it this time."
"Forget it, buddy. You owe me more than a beer."
"I owe you this, biatch!"
(kablaam)
Heifer merkins?
That's almost as bad as dressing a sheep in a negligee.
Oh, that's rich. Maybe he should talk to some of his friends about sanctity, and commitment . But first: who says it's a hetero institution? Is that something we voted on? Or is it just something Jerry Falwell told him he'd read (or, you know, seen on t.v.) somewhere? What we need is a constitutional amendment banning the President's religious beliefs from undermining the natural progress of American society. Wait, no we don't: that's covered in the main text .
The girl's grandmother found a "Dear Dad" love letter in which the child wrote that she enjoyed having sex with him
and added, "I want to marry you."
it's a good thing that didn't happen in Texas.
I seem to have picked up a new troll, Drew Parrish. He seems to think that I have a wife, and he wishes I would send a picture of her vugina (sic) to him at dpparrish@sbcglobal.net.
I don't have a wife, or any photos of any vuginas, so I'm offering this up to you, dear readers. Maybe you have something for him. Or you could use dpparrish@sbcglobal.net next time you need a fake email address, username "Mywifes Vugina."