A blind man's obsession with groping women while talking about phlegm made him very popular on the Splosh circuit.

Continued...

[...] they also brought Ida Greenfield, 86, their grandmother from Minnesota. Unlike some, Greenfield said she knew of Michael Moore, but not much. She came, she said, because she was intrigued by the controversy.
“I like controversial figures. They think,” she said. “Those old men in the Bush administration, they don’t think.”
“It’s haunting,” was her response after the film. “How sad this whole thing is.”

Werd up, Ida.
That's my new slogan, from now on: "Werd up, Ida."

Continued...

We're like the Domino's Pizza of liberation!

Berkeley LOOOOOOVES them some Bill Clinton.
There were probably a thousand people lined up outside Cody's Books on Telegraph, by 10:30am, winding down Haste to Dana, over to Dwight down to Ellsworth, etc down to Shattuck, waiting to get their books signed. It was adorable, really, except for the patchouli-scented loser who's serenading the front of the line with raspy folk songs. You can tell he's just waiting for the cops to look the other way so he can break into his chant of "buds... doses..." If you're going up there, beware: Telegraph is blocked off from Haste all the way to campus, and the stretch in front of Amoeba has been taken over by the Secret Service and their wheelchair-bound friskees.

The snake was slightly dehydrated.

One of Spycat's people was murdered Saturday morning, at the end of his 26th-birthday bar crawl.
He was a sweet guy, and a great neighbor. He just couldn't produce his wallet fast enough for some idiot with a gun.

This does need to be taken seriously.

Aw, man.
Event coordinators are making it very clear that Clinton's appearances at various bookstores are strictly book signings.
He will not read from the book, take questions, or indulge in any other hanky-panky with fans.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is a kitten killer.
And not just the way you're thinking.

George Lucas is adding lots and lots of CGI shots to THX 1138 for rerelease as The 2004 Director's Cut Edition. For the most part they look pretty engaging, and may hold the average viewer's attention better than the shots they replace (when they do that. some of them are totally new shots). But: wasn't the original a Zoetrope production, and therefore pretty much a Director's Cut, and to some even a precious artifact of brilliant cinematic vision conveyed using relatively primitive technology? I love my old THX 1138 DVD, but woohoo: now we'll all get to play Where's Jar Jar.

The banana is too far gone to eat, but Sarah says it is still fine for banana bread.

"I was so exhausted I fell asleep while the stripper was dancing and the goat head was looking up at me."
Oh, sure. $10 says the goat head was doing more than just watching.

It's almost the end of the month, and you've still got free long distance minutes to burn on your cell phone, right?
(916) 445-2841 is the number to call for Schwarzenegger's "What I Have to Do to Keep My Job (besides reinstating the taxes that used to pay for our schools, fire departments, police departments, and libraries)" survey.
Make yourself heard!

From the top of the phone tree:

Press #5 for "Hot Issues."
Press #1 for Same Sex Marriage.
Press #1 to support gay marriage in California.

This isn't even a thought crime -- it's a BEAR THOUGHT CRIME.

[...] so remember, you owe me a goat.

Bowie begynner å ta inn over seg konsekvensene av hva som kunne ha skjedd (something like): "I've only got one good eye, you effing wanker idiot. Luckily you hit the (one that was permantently dialated after a fight when he was a bad-assed 13-year old). So thanks, pig fecker: you've made it even even prettier."

I bet by Monday every kid in Oslo will be sporting a Chupa Chup in their left orbs. Punk rock!

Cityrag is officially my big new blogcrush (and not just for the Johnny Depp / Jonathan Shaw barfight story).

A California company is recalling five batches of Organic Baby and Naturally Preferred baby food because there may be broken glass inside some jars. They assure consumers that the glass has never touched fertilizer or pesticides.

Each minute, 19,000 gallons of water courses through the garden, according to the Fort Worth Convention and Visitors Center. [The Rev. Gerald Dew, pastor of Antioch Missionary Baptist Church in Chicago, said] "The word that God told me to tell them was 'please observe the NO SWIMMING signs.'"

A METEORITE reportedly the size of a house fell on the NSW south coast overnight, exploding in a bright flash, police have said. [...] unless someone literally stumbles over the meteorite, the chances of finding it are slim.

I am honored.

Continued...

Walter rocks the haute couture with just the right amount of drama.
Give him 12 years and he's taking over the catwalks.

Hooray! It's take a flag to lunch day!

"[...] if cyclists do want to use (the road) we would advise them to paint a pair of eyes on their helmets."

"Sorry I rubbed cocaine on your dog. And yours, too. Oh, gosh, and those other 98 dogs, yeah, that was sloppy.
I guess I should wash my hands more. Or learn how to use an effing straw. They never mentioned that, in greyhound training school."

Viva La Jilly! Let's hear it for intestinal fortitude! Let's hear it for the utter wonder hall of fame!

Ohio Lawmaker Wants Reagan Added To Mount Rushmore
Yeah, that didn't take long. Here's the really funny part:

"During the years of President Reagan, America laid to rest an era of division and self-doubt.
Because of his leadership, the world laid to rest an era of fear and tyranny."

I bet some people actually think that way.
I bet those same people voted in this poll.

But former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown said Bush runs the risk of appearing diminished by comparison.
"It would be as if you're comparing a squirrel to an elephant.''

I know he was a formidable communicator and campaigner, but all this glorification of the man who so famously could not recall even his most obvious dirty tricks* is baffling to me, especially as we suffer yet another Reagan era today which is almost as bad as the first.
Almost as baffling as the lionization is the crazy tour his body is making over the next two weeks.
Good thing he's always known how to wear makeup.

Continued...

This is the story of two monkeys.

THE PRESIDENT: Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me.

I knew he was protesting too much.

I think Solar Funk might have to be my new DJ name.
(Nigritude Ultramarine is be pretty good, too.)

Art so challenging you should pull a gun on it*:
Adele Henderson, chair of the art department of the State University of New York at Buffalo, where Kurtz has tenure, is among the people who've been questioned by the FBI. On May 21, she says, the FBI asked her about Kurtz's art, his writings, his books; why (the Critical Art Ensemble) is listed as a collective rather than by its individual members; how it is funded.
"They asked me if I'd be surprised if I found out he was found to be involved in bioterrorism."

*and don't forget to have your hazmat suit scrubbed down.
Not that there's any cause for alarm.
Mr. Kurtz is not accused of any crime.
He's being held under the USA Patriot Act.

"The biggest thing was that he was slippery."

"The nasty things they write!" she said in her breathy, high-pitched voice....

Continued...