The sponge crab is a master at accessorizing, but will never be as lovely as Oolong.

Even with the wrecked-big-rig funeral march, here, just outside of Grants Pass (11am, 101ºF), we made the drive home from Portland in just 10 hours. Hooray for Hwy 505. And hooray for tidy, midday sprinkler-equipped, motion-sensorific rest areas.

Article 14 would replace a body of Iraqi law [which gave women] the freedom to choose a husband and requir[ed] divorce cases to be decided by a judge. [...] the chapter requires court cases dealing with matters like marriage, divorce and inheritance to be judged according to the law practiced by the family's sect or religion.

"[...] all that you really need to know right now is that it is my invention and signature performance art pièce de résistance. If you would like to hire me (TV shows, advertising campaigns, fashion shows, bar mitzvahs, etc..), please do not hesitate to contact me for my current rates. Special Summer 2005 package deals are available, and include such inventions and signature pièces as 'Runaway Bride Face' and 'Thumb-Assisted Bird-Flip'."

(gracias, Señor Cardhouse)

[...] not yet ready to swallow the elephant. (It's hard work!)
WFMU's Dubya Ringtones

Maribel attends school with the boy, and says she's been taunted by him in the past. She was playing on the sidewalk with other younger children [...] when the boys rode by on their bikes. They started teasing her, calling her names and hitting her with water balloons. When the boys refused to leave, Maribel threw a rock at them hitting Elijah. Maribel ran to the boy's house[...] to tell his parents she was sorry.

She also told her aunt to call 911. Several units responded.

Continued...

A Christian adoption agency that receives money from Choose Life license plate fees

Wait a second. Separation of Church and what?

[...] does not place children with Roman Catholic couples because their religion conflicts with the agency's ''Statement of Faith." Sandy and Robert Steadman said their priest told them that the faith statement did not conflict with Catholic teaching.

But what would the courts tell them?
Oh.

With two carjackers riding in her backseat, a motorist abruptly stopped and flagged down an Oakland police officer just before she was shot three times[...] Police identified the suspects as Antar Ngilbus, cq 20, and Loticol Chastang, cq 27.

Identified visually, I'll bet. After all, they caught Loticol Chastang in the act of robbing a medical marijuana dispensary just 9 months ago. (Was the penalty for theft really less than for simple possession, back then?)

And I think people like Tim Russert and the others, [....] they're the ones to be shot, not Karl Rove.

He was trying to set the record straight for historical purposes and to save American lives.

She testified that she witnessed Ronnie Paris Jr. being rough with the child several times, including once when he "slammed'' the baby against a wall because the child was vomiting. "He was concerned that the child might be gay.''

How to trim squirrel's teeth.
Or just make a squirrel burrito.

thanks, Doc

[...] No one wants to get to the bottom more than the 'President' of the United States.
Oh he's there, Scott. He's there and then some.
Did he really, truly use the 10th anniversary of the Bosnian massacres as a platform to "remind us all" that the terramists are coming? I think he did. But watch past the astonishing "condolence" (he really said that, too) to hear a room full of spines straighten, around 2:30.

The bassline is a 'cheep' from a minute-old chick, pitched down.

Matthew Herbert's Plat du Jour sounds pretty tasty.

The host of a Fox News programme, Brian Kilmeade, said the attacks had the effect of putting terrorism back on the top of the G8's agenda, in place of global warming and African aid. "I think that works to our advantage[...]"

Musical furry lobster feeling chirpy

Mm, chirpy. I would like to feel chirpy.
Instead I'm feeling migraine-y. It's been 15 hours. Ouch.
(link courtesy of Professor Cardyhouse)

Hell.

Whatever you want (ahem), that's what I'm here for.
Oh Brawny Man!

Try the Pre-mades first, and start with, say, "Your hair, it's Perfect."
I think my favorite is "That Thing You're Going Through," though "Because it's Monday" and "Feeling Lonely" are pretty great, too. No, you know what? They all kind of rule.
Uh huh, yeah.

I'm going to go play the "Ten Tired Toes" scene from the Custom "Quality Time" menu again.
As soon as I catch my breath.

George Bush collided with a police officer during a bike ride on the grounds of the Scottish hotel hosting the G8 summit. It was raining lightly at the time. Bush suffered "moderate" scrapes on his hands and arms that required bandages by the White House physician, said White House spokesman Scott McClellan.

Whoa, there, Scotty, hold the phone! Stop the presses!
That there is pure poppycock. It's slander! Why, it's downright un-American! Good thing it's only running in the BBC, The Guardian, News.com.au, Reuters, AP, and every other news service on the planet except CNN. Get them on the horn, pronto, and let's try that again. Only this time I want you say it like a proud red-blooded patriot.

Despite a steady rain and chilly temperatures, Bush, a avid mountain biker, went for a ride at the Gleneagles resort in central Scotland, where he and other leaders of the Group of Eight economic powers will begin a two-day summit Thursday. Bush "visited" with the police officer for some time after the accident and asked White House physician Dr. Richard Tubb to monitor his situation at the hospital, McClellan said.

You know how you always read about people slicing their hands open while pitting avocados with 12" chef's knives, and they always say "It was a classically stupid move"? Yeah. Well. If you find yourself blithely stabbing at an avocado pit with, say, a Wustof Classic fork-tipped tomato knife and hear yourself saying "Wow, this is classically stupid move that could lead the insides of my finger to the outside of a jagged bloody gash, and see my breakfast plans replaced with a jaunt to the hospital where I'll be cleaned, re-stuffed, nerve-and-muscle-damage-tested, and tetanus shot," you should probably listen. If you then proceed with the classically stupid maneuver, be sure to have your loved one drive you to Alta Bates Emergency because the staff there, while charming and capable and efficient, are also a laugh frigging riot. Seriously. Being treated there was the second-most-fun I've ever had while bleeding.

What would you do if your constituents ousted you in a recall and elected your top rival?
If you're the chairman of the Mendocino County Republican Central Committee, you hire a hit man. And if you're Kenneth Rogers you hire a 54-year-old convicted felon, from 350 miles away in a tidy suburb of Sacramento (bonus points for forgetting to verify his targetting skills).
My favorite part of this article is the very last line:

Rogers also faces a marijuana cultivation charge.

"Faced with such a distressing and grave situation, we must trust that Spanish society will know how to stand up for marriage, family and children." the Spanish Conference of Catholic Bishops said in a statement Thursday.

Spanish society has proved itself quite worthy of that trust.

"This changes my life 100 percent. It changes the focus of my life from being a bachelor ... to having a formal family with children," Evarist Beneyto said.
Or, as Javier Santamaria put it, "This is a miracle."